Listen, I got you. I heard your bat-call. I’m here to help…but it might not be in the way you think or want. I’m not here to help you spiritually bypass your emotions and encourage you to say a million and one affirmations so you can be happy again. That’s not how I roll. I’m not here to sugar coat anything and life isn’t always rainbows and unicorn farts. I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t tell it to you how it is.
So, with that said, here are my recommendations for when life’s shitstorms hit and it seems like everything is going to crap…
First and foremost…is it? Is your life REALLY that bad? I ask because sometimes we get so caught up in our #FirstWorldProblems that we think our $800 iPhones not working is, “omg! The end of the world!!!!”….when it’s not. I just want to give you some perspective. As someone who used to wake up and pray that my father felt like beating me that day instead of molesting me, I can say that what most people consider to be a “sucky” life, is a life I would have traded you in a heartbeat. So let’s try and have some perspective here before we declare that, “my life is sooooooo awful and I am sooooo miserable and nothing goes my way, and my 6-figure corporate job is making me sooooo depressed and I hate my life because I’m almost 30 and not married yet.”
Perspective people, perspective.
Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, the second step to moving forward when life truly DOES hurt, is to acknowledge and accept the fact that sometimes…life just sucks.
It just DOES!
We lose our job, a friend betrays us, our kids drive us insane, the car breaks down, work is awful, our spouse cheats on us and takes all our money, we get a horrible diagnosis from our doctor…sometimes life just SUCKS and the sooner you make peace with this, the sooner you will stop resisting it, focusing on it, and keeping the “sucky” here longer than it needs to be.
Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has their ups and downs. That’s just the way it is.
The first step in moving forward when everything sucks, is to stop fighting it. Stop wishing it were different. It is what it is. Make your peace with the suckiness. Accept that this is the way it is right now.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m a huge advocate for feeling #AllTheFeels, even the bad ones and here’s why…the more you don’t want it and the more you push against it, the more you empower the very thing you don’t want.
We get back whatever we put out.
Wherever our focus is, that’s what comes to life.
When you make your peace with what is, and you take time to feel it instead of trying to numb yourself or spiritually bypass it, it WILL lose its power and hold on you. The minute you accept that this is how things are and that this sucks and it just is, you WILL instantly feel better because now you’re not wasting so much energy fighting this “thing.”
Feeling better is the ultimate goal.
When you stop resisting this thing and just get comfortable with the uncomfortableness of it all, you stop leaking your energy and you WILL feel better. Now, room has been made for Guidance/God/Universe to set in and guide you on what the next step is.
Listen, it’s a process. A process that sometimes involves cursing, crying, punching a pillow, burning all of your ex’s things, etc. You have to feel the feelings in order for them to release their hold on you. So vent. Cry. Yell. Scream. Have a pity party. Whatever you feel like doing, DO IT. Feel the feelings and throw an adult temper tantrum. Stop wasting so much precious energy suffocating your feelings and trying to spiritually bypass them.
You’re not going to manifest anything good from this.
Feel the feelings FIRST, and then you will make room for Guidance/God/Universe to set in and guide you on the next steps.
Also, don’t beat yourself up for being “negative”. For fuck’s sake, we’re only human! Sometimes we feel like shit! Sometimes we don’t feel good! Sometimes I drink half a bottle of wine because my heart is so broken or my anxiety is so bad, or I’m so scared of running out of money or whatever!
That’s okay. I have my moments too. But the only reason I’m able to move past these moments quickly, and manifest something amazing, is because I take the time to feel my feelings and make my peace with them.
No one feels happy ALL.THE.TIME, not even me. But what makes all the difference is the fact that I don’t FIGHT it. I just accept that my husband lost his job and I’m scared. Or my friend broke my heart with her betrayal. Or my hormones are whacked out and I feel like crap. Or that my father is an asshole who should be begging me for forgiveness but never will. Or that I can’t visit certain towns because my skin is brown and they’ve had high reports of racism. Or whatever it may be, I feel it. I feel the pain. I make my peace with what is, and then in time, I move on to greater and grander things.
Get okay with whatever you’re feeling now, and in time, you’ll be okay. Life does improve. It always does.
Emotions are just energy in motion.
When you fight them, you trap them inside you, you grow them, you give them more power and they take over your life.
Let them move through you.
You’ll feel better when you STOP resisting what is. And from that feeling better place, now you’ll be able to have a clearer perspective and know what the next step is.
When my life is sucking, it’s not easy for me to just “get happy” again. So I do whatever I feel like doing. Sometimes I cry, then I go off into the mountains and go on a hike. Being in nature helps me move my emotions out of my body. I gain clarity and perspective.
And other times…I go to a friend’s house and spend the day drinking wine, eating and venting about all the things. Hey, no judgment here! This helps. It helps me get it all out of my system and then I’m free from it, and free to make peace with what is and move on.
And that’s how I handle life, and all the good, bad, ugly and beautiful that is involved in being a spiritual being, having one hell of a human experience.
I hope this has helped you.
Me love you long time,
p.s. a beautiful quote that goes perfectly with this post…
“But pain’s like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There’s no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.” – Katie Kacvinsky